How do I deal with my lying husband?
Lies can destroy any relationship, let alone a marriage. Sometimes, your husband may continue to lie to you even when you know the truth, and it can be difficult to understand the reason behind it.
You married this person, and they are supposed to be your lifelong companion. This naturally means that you should be honest with each other and trust each other.
But surely, you may wonder, how can you trust him when you know he’s lying to you? Why did he lie in the first place?!
Your husband’s motivation for lying is very important in determining how to move forward after hearing this lie. For example, his position would be very different if he lied to you to protect you from pain or to avoid embarrassment from a situation. Whether the lie is intended to hurt you or not, it is painful nonetheless, and you may feel betrayed because of it.
There is still hope, however. As long as you are both willing to put in some effort in this relationship.
How do you deal with a lying husband?
You are not the reason for these lies
When your husband lies, the goal is always the same – he doesn’t want you to know the truth to avoid conflict, whether it’s about your new hairstyle or another woman. He wants to save himself the hassle of dealing with your reaction to the truth.
So before you blame yourself for your husband’s lying, remember that honesty is always the best policy no matter the cost. Of course, everyone needs security from those around them to be honest, so if you are someone who reacts negatively to every little thing, you may need to work on that for yourself and to give your husband some sense of security. But it’s not because you’re the reason for the lies.
Set boundaries in dealing with the lying man
Forgiving certain lies from your partner may mean less conflict and more harmony at home. But what happens if your lying spouse or partner tries to cover up an affair or infidelity? Will you finally decide to challenge these lies – maybe end your marriage? Or will you stay silent in the hope that the romantic relationship will soon end?
Some people who have been lied to may not be able to deal with their reactions or feelings. They simply cannot get over the feelings of betrayal and the issue itself. In this case, it may be time to seek guidance from a mental health professional or a relationship specialist, as this issue will recur. Trust me.
Confrontation is inevitable
Before confronting the lying spouse, consider how they may respond. Depending on their answers, you will determine how to confront them.
You may hear something you don’t want to hear. But you also need to be prepared for them to continue lying and covering up their behavior. You may need to be prepared to make some tough decisions about these lies, but you must first listen to what they have to say.
They may also surprise you. For example, you may suspect an affair, but they may actually be working a second job and feel extremely embarrassed to tell you because they are living beyond their means. So it is very important to confront them and give them a chance to explain their situation.
The origin of lying
I’m not necessarily asking you to make excuses for your lying spouse, but I’m just thinking out loud with you…
Did your spouse grow up in a household where lying was prevalent? Did one of their parents’ treatment cause “pathological lying”? Does your spouse lie about everything, even the smallest things? Are you also lying to or hiding things from your spouse, making lying mutual?
In these cases, the lying partner’s behavior may stem from a psychological issue, a lack of trust in others, or simply a reflexive response. So, consider all these factors because your spouse may actually need help from a specialist.
On the other hand, if your partner always does what they want and lies just to continue doing so, they may behave in inappropriate and harmful ways. In this case, it may be time to reevaluate this relationship.
The bottom line here is that changing any type of behavior – including feeling suspicious and doubtful of your partner – takes time. Changes in their behavior will also take time.
So give each other space, and talk about things often and with utmost honesty. In most cases, the relationship starts to improve over time, although in some cases, one or both partners may also conclude that the harm caused by lying cannot be repaired.